“I used to go daily around her college. In that red suit, she looks stunning. That one smile of her was enough to make my day. But then she left the town due to her family issues. We wrote letters to each other for the entire six years. We finally got married after so much hassle. At that time, there were no smartphones. The love was precious in that era.”
Doesn’t that ring a bell? We all have grown up listening to similar love stories. When we were young, these stories were used to define the epitome of love. But then, time passed, and we grew up! Era changed; our hearts broke, and our expression of love and ways of looking at things changed. Our concepts changed, and with that, the attitude of looking at things grew altogether. And we realized that love is purer than what was written in old books. This generation refuses to believe that desire to see a person every day does not constitute love. Many things remain untold and hidden in those luscious, romantic stories, and love letters which were the crucial part of traditional love. The solace we find with our family members, the happiness we feel around our friends, the luxury of doing silly things, we only do in front of our best friend, all these qualities in one person is something we all want in our partners. And while today’s generation is well aware, the other important thing we look for is a physical association with the partner.
Even today, many countries consider establishing sexual relations before marriage as a sin. We all live in that period with a broken heart at least once in our lifetime. Maybe that’s why we keep priority to our physical needs first? Physical demands include touching, caressing, hugging, and holding. It also consists of unspoken gestures that ensure that we are loved and appreciated. However, it is denied, but these things play a vital role in a perfect relationship, before and after marriage, but only for a limited duration. This physical intimacy is an expression of love that promotes affection and also builds trust between partners.
Humans are a complex mesh of emotions, and we tend to misinterpret many things to satisfy our own needs. It is commonly observed that one of the significant reasons for separations, divorces, and extramarital affairs is lack of physical compatibility. We are often advised, too, that sex is not everything in a romantic relationship. Yes, there are many ingredients in a perfect recipe, but every element has its place. Similarly, there are various variables in a relationship which makes it a happy place to live.
Now the question arises, since when did we start looking for sexual compatibility more than emotional compatibility in a partner? Is it something that happens with the millennials only or the previous generations faced these dilemmas too? And most importantly, if we love somebody with all our hearts, how can we ever feel the lack of sexual compatibility? Aren’t love and sex co-dependent on each other? To have good sex, you need to fall for the person’s head over heel, and a good sex-life keeps the love charged throughout the relationship.
If the preceding questions are relevant to sustain or understand the concept of love, which has been thrust upon us for centuries. Where did we go wrong? We often confuse physical lust for love. People should understand that there is a fine line between making love and satiating one’s sexual desires. Sleeping with every next person you find attractive, or with more than a person at the same time may not be considered as love because love is stronger than that. Keeping your physical needs priority doesn’t make you wrong, but finding a perfect relationship purely based on only one factor does.
According to research, a female body can only maintain sexual luxury for a maximum of 50 years. In contrast, the male body is active till 70 years and even after that in some cases.
It does not imply that a lack of physical intimation will necessarily mean the demise of a marriage. Many couples have devised several ways to live together prosperously without any physical relationship; the keys to this are emotional companionship and security. Some find their mates exciting and stimulating. But to many, this type of relationship might be a so-called “house-of-cards.”
Again, physical needs do not include only sex; it is more than that. It is not just lust, what they like and whatnot, it is an opportunity to understand your partner. As romantic relationships progress from the early stages of infatuation into a more stable connection, people’s relationship satisfaction has been demonstrated to decline.
According to researchers, dating couples with more positive implicit partner attitudes significantly reduced the risk of breaking up at a one-year follow-up. Relationships that rely on a sexual basis are proven statistically, they last longer.
But today’s generation has completely forgotten the real idea of love. The beautiful emotion of love has been only a subject of farce for them. We need to rethink the concept of modern love as time changes. Today, people meet on Facebook, Instagram, etc. Long gone are the days where we had to adjust to the needs of a conformed tradition to fall in love. As every person is different, so are there needs, and it changes from time to time. That does not mean the old ways were wrong, but it certainly does not mean that the new ideas are entirely perfect. Everyone should have their approach towards love as long as it is healthy and pure, and nobody has the right to prove you wrong because love is the strongest emotion that can hardly be expressed in some rule books.
People in this generation usually commit at an early age and feel that this is what true love is supposed to be; it will go to eternity. And after that, getting heartbroken, some people set a definition that they will not find any real love, some think that love is a waste of time, and some of us go and find some other person. Many of us also are just being intimate with every person they meet. The truth is that love is a precious emotion that also vitalizes small things, all people may not appreciate these little things, but these are some of the best ways to show the real essence of love. Neither any social media post nor talking to late nights describe all these things.
By Nandini Goyal
Image Source- Google
Nandini Goyal is a volunteer with Quillopia. The views expressed are the author’s own.